The Coach's Corner

The Focus of Federer

“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, perform in the moment!” (Mike Van Hoozer, Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most)

He bounced up and down a few times to stay loose. Maybe, also to shake the memory of the last few moments from his head. He had lost the first set and was on the verge of losing the second one, which would put him in a tremendous valley on a day that should have been one of the biggest mountaintop moments in his life. His opponent needed just one more point to seal his fate. A point that would never come.

Down 6-2 in the tiebreaker of the second set on the grand stage of Wimbledon, Roger Federer scored six straight points to win the second set and dramatically change the momentum of the match. He won a second tiebreaker against his opponent Andy Roddick in the third set to go up 2-1 in a match that went all five sets. (Technically, it went the length of seven sets, since there is not a tiebreaker in the fifth set. They just kept playing until someone won by 2, which Roger eventually did: 16-14.

How did Roger Federer, now the winner of 15 Grand Slam tennis titles surpassing Pete Sampras’ record, win this match? Was it his physical talent that allowed him to overcome an obstacle of 6 points in the second set tiebreaker? 50 aces surely helped his cause, but I think there was something more. Something hidden within that revealed itself during the tiebreak game in the second set that spoke volumes of the greatness of Roger Federer: FOCUS.

Down 6-2, Federer redirected his focus to the task at hand. He didn’t think about the past lamenting how he had dug this hole. He also did not worry about the future with questions of What if? He performed and played in the moment. Shot to shot, point to point. This focus allowed him to get back into the match one point at a time, which is really the best way an athlete should play. Last time I checked, there is no 6-point shot in tennis.

©Getty Images / P. Gilham

As he focused on and won each point, he began to regain the momentum and put the pressure back on his opponent. In tennis, momentum can be won or lost in a point, and this factor certainly came true in the finals at Wimbledon. Many games were still to be played including an “overtime“ fifth set, but I think a defining moment happened during the second set.

How can we learn from the focus of Roger Federer? I think there are at least 3 things/principles that we can put into practice in our lives that will help us gain or regain momentum:

1. Focus on the moment – Think about what is at stake, who else is involved, and how you can make a difference. Physically, you can only live in the present. Mentally, your mind can live 3 tenses at a time (past, present, and future). Replace the haunting thoughts of the past or the frantic fears of the future with authentic facts and truth about what you can do in this moment to make a positive difference.
2. Engage in the moment – Bring all of your talents, energy, creativity, and leadership to the moment. Don’t be intimidated by the possibility of failure. Consider the joy of making a contribution in the current moment.
3. Perform in the moment – Play shot to shot, point to point. You can’t live a month in a minute. Execute moment by moment on your plans, dreams, and calling, and expect to see the impact.

For more information about these and other principles that will help you perform in the moment in all of your roles in life, check out Mike Van Hoozer's book: Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most.

For more information on hiring Mike to speak to your organization, click here.

For coaching information, check out: Unleash Your Potential!

The Noticer by Andy Andrews

Right now, everyone needs a little perspective.  Thank God, that’s exactly what Andy Andrews provides in his latest book The Noticer.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this engaging and encouraging book.  The key learning points I gained from this book are:

• We have to notice (i.e. be aware and see clearly) to gain perspective and, ultimately, clarity in our lives.

• Perspective leads to wise choices, a great attitude, and the ability to respond to adverse circumstances.

• Mentors are important to ask us the right questions, be a sounding board, challenge us on our thinking, and encourage us to be our best.

The book begins with the author being found underneath a bridge in an earlier time in his life – a more despondent place than the life he had imagined. Jones, a wise sage, who seems to show up at just the right moment appears on the scene and challenges Andy to begin noticing things in his life to gain – or regain – perspective about how he arrived at this place.  Jones becomes a catalyst for Andy to realize what he needs to do, and moreover, who he needs to become in this moment to realize his true potential!

The author serves as a narrator throughout the book to highlight other stories where Jones becomes a mentor and course corrector for others.  To a married couple who is on the verge of calling it quits, Jones offers perspective on how to communicate.  To a business leader whose management style is killing his people, alienating his clients, and driving a wedge between his relationship with his wife and soon-to-be born son, he offers perspective on the power and impact of integrity and servant leadership.  To an eager group of students, he offers tips on what to look for in a relationship.

Favorite Quotes:

• “At this very moment, you possess the power of perspective.  You can choose to see your life becoming whatever you wish.  If you so choose, you can move the mountains in your life’s path with the eventual help of those who will come to love you and learn to respect you for what you are becoming.”

• “Remember, whatever you focus upon, increases.”

I would highly recommend this book!

For additional resources related to this book, check out:

http://www.thenoticerproject.com/

Coach Cal

Coach John Calipari, the new basketball coach of University of Kentucky and former University of Memphis coach, recently joined the Twitter revolution.  A friend of mine, who is an avid Kentucky basketball fan, made me aware of a post Coach Cal made recently about my book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most.  Click on this link to view his post:

    http://adjix.com/e3f3

I know he probably reads a lot of books, and I was very honored that he chose to mention my book as one that had made an impact on him in the last year.  While I still wish he was at Memphis, I wish him the best in his new role and hope the concepts in my book helps him and his team to perform in the moment!

Fear of Success

"Something in human nature tempts us to stay where we're comfortable. We try to find a plateau, a resting place, where we have comfortable stress and adequate finances. Where we have comfortable associations with people, without the intimidation of meeting new people and entering strange situations. Of course, all of us need to plateau for a time. We climb and then plateau for assimilation. But once we've assimilated what we've learned, we climb again. It's unfortunate when we've done our last climb. When we have made our last climb, we are old, whether forty or eighty."

            - Fred Smith, Founder of Fed Ex

The other night I spoke to a group of parents of elite high school athletes about the one thing that can keep us from reaching our potential.  Based upon my research for my book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most and my work with executives, entrepreneurs, and elite student and professional athletes, I have seen this phenomenon trap the potential of talented individuals, teams, and organizations.

It seems like a misnomer.  Why would anyone have the fear of "SUCCESS?"  In fact, we recently polled our online community through Twitter, Facebook, and other means to solicit their thoughts on the fear of success.  One of the first responses we received asked if we had made a typo in our question.  Here are some of the other responses we received:

• "Don't fear success, but be prepared for the increased expectations when you succeed."
• "Don't fear failure. If you are not having failures you are doing the same old thing and not getting outside the box. If you learn from failures you will achieve success."
• "Some people sabotage success - consciously or subconciously - because of fear."
• "It is sometimes easier not to try than to fail."

I think Fred Smith, in his quote above, captures the essence of the dilemma I call the "fear of success."  Once we reach a level of success - a "plateau" - we tend to rest and remain comfortable.  We feel safer postioned on the plateau rather than reaching for the next summit, because the next level might bring failure, heigthened expectations, criticism, and doubts.  People who cannot persevere through this fear view success as a two-sided coin with failure on the other side of the coin.

 In a future blog, I will talk about the stages of the "fear of success" model including how to get to the other side to reach your maximum potential.  For now, stay focused on the opportunities you have before you.  Focus on how you can make a contribution, and don't accommodate umerited fears.  Challenge yourself to continue to climb and grow.

Be content, but never satisfied!

A Shoeless Moment

One of the featured stories in my book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most is about Blake Mycoskie, Founder and Chief Shoe Giver at Toms Shoes.  Blake is a good friend and a passionate entrepreneur who is using his sphere of influence to make a positive impact on culture.  For every shoe you buy, Toms Shoes gives away a pair to children in need all over the world.  On Thursday, April 16th, you can bring awareness to this company and their movement by choosing to walk barefoot, if only for just awhile.  Call it a "shoeless moment!"  The key is to make this moment public.  For example, you may want to walk into your favorite coffee house without shoes.  Or, you might choose to walk barefoot into your workplace or your school.  What a great conversation starter and a powerful way to enlighten others about a need and a way to meet that need.



Toms Shoes on CNBC Tonight at 8 CST

My friend Blake Mycoskie is being featured on a new show about entrepreneurs on CNBC at 8 cst tonight (Thursday, April 2nd.)  Blake is the CEO and Founder of Toms Shoes, and I featured Blake in my book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most.  I think you will be very inspired by the story of Toms Shoes.  Here are some more details.

Tonight on CNBC at 6:00 pm PT / 9:00 pm ET, the TOMS story will be told on the premiere of "The Entrepreneurs" hosted by Donnie Deutsch.  This is so exciting for TOMS and we want you to know that YOU and your passion for TOMS One for One movement are the real heroes being featured tonight.  We invite you to celebrate along with us by posting your favorite TOMS moment on your blog, facebook, myspace, twitter, or just by emailing someone who might not know about our One for One movement, encouraging them to watch.  We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your continued support on this exciting journey.

Click here to see a preview of tonight's show: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/cnbc-originals-cnbc-originals-the-entrepreneurs-blake-mycoskie/1480737427

Spring Break

I just returned from taking a trip with my family to Branson, Mo, for Spring Break.  We had never been to Branson, and we had a great time seeing shows, riding horses in the Ozark mountains, and spending some excellent quality time together.  While we were there, we saw one particular show that I would highly recommend called "Six."  It appropriately features six brothers who sing and perform various genres of music a capella.  We heard everything from the Platters to the Beach Boys to U2.  The incredible thing is that they sing and perform the instruments - all through their voices.  You can discover more about them at: Six.

I also wanted to let you know that I posted a new Moments blog entry about confronting fear at:

Monday Morning Moments

A Defining Moment

“Defining moments don’t just happen by chance; they occur when preparation, opportunity, and providence collide.”

        - Mike Van Hoozer, Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most

A defining moment is packaged with purpose and passion.  Defining moments help us become clear about our priorities and our direction.  They sometimes involve a change in direction or confirmation about which path to pursue.  In our lives, we will have at least one defining moment.  A moment that transforms us.  A moment that defines who we are, where we have been, and where we are going.  A moment that creates clarity about our purpose and calling in life.  Some of us have several defining moments.  The thing about these moments is that we cannot always predict the exact time and date that these moments will occur.  We can, however, be prepared for the defining moments in our lives, so we can be fully present in the moment.

Click here to read about a defining moment that impacted yesterday's Super Bowl victory by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Shaun White and Focus

The drizzle of snow had turned into a blizzard.  Visibility was now a major distraction.  As Shaun White pondered the pressing conditions before him, he also considered the opportunities that had been lost.  His first two runs had ended in disaster with falls at the end of both runs.  This night – Finals Night in the men’s snowboarding superpipe event at Winter X Games 13 – belonged to him, but it was slowly fading away.  With a hungry Kevin Pearce in the lead and tasting a Winter X Games gold medal, Shaun White threw his helmet down after his second run in disgust, and exclaimed, “I’m going to put this next one down.  I’m over it.  I’m going to land this thing.”

The next few moments were critical to his success.  Would he be able to conquer this mountain in these conditions?  Would he be able to forget the past runs and prepare for a successful run?  Could he trust his abilities in the moment and not be frozen by fear?

The answer was “Yes!” becoming the first person to win back-to-back Winter X Games gold medals in the superpipe event and also achieving the most X Games medals in the history of the competition.  Throughout his career, he has been able to focus on the goal and conquer it.   Afterwards, White revealed, “I thought about falling.  I just kind of blanked that all out.  That was not even an option.”

Going into the night, he could never had predicted the evening would come down to this – a third and final run to make history or to come up short.  In life, we can never predict when the defining moments in our lives will happen.  We can, however, be prepared for these moments so that we are not surprised when the moment is upon us.  For Shaun White, he was prepared.  His ability to focus ON the moment before him allowed him to have focus IN the moment and nail his final run.

Consider this key question: How are you preparing for the defining moments in your life?  More specifically, here are three questions that can help block out the distractions and allow you to focus on the moment:

• What’s at stake?
• Who else is involved and impacted?
• What can you do to make an impact?

For more information on how to focus on the moment, read my blog entry on the Monday Morning Moments web site.

Monday Morning Moments

To support readers of my new book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most, we have created a web site called Monday Morning Moments.  Check out this site to discover more about the book as well as to purchase this resource.

We also have a blog on the site that I will update every Monday to inspire, challenge, and encourage people to put into practice the principles in the book.  Click here to check out the latest blog entry.

Moments on KSBJ

I will be talking about my new book Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most on KSBJ Radio - 89.3 FM in Houston - on Thursday morning.  You can listen to it at approximately 7:15 and 9:15 am.  The interview will also be streamed live on the web at KSBJ.

For more information about the book, check out Monday Morning Moments.

Tim Tebow's Defining Moment

“I just want to say one thing. To the fans and everybody in Gator Nation, um, you know what, I’m sorry. I’m extremely sorry. We were hoping for an undefeated season. That was my goal – something Florida’s never done here.

But I promise you one thing. A lot of good will come out of this. You have never seen any player in the entire country play as hard as I will play the rest of this season, and you'll never see someone push the rest of the team as hard as I will push everybody the rest of this season. And you'll never see a team play harder than we will the rest of this season. God bless."

• Florida quarterback Tim Tebow to reporters after unranked Ole Miss defeated No. 4 Florida 31-30 on September 27, 2008

This press conference was a defining moment for Tim Tebow.  He could have never predicted that this moment would come.  Earlier in the day, he could not even conceive that his team would have lost to Ole Miss.  His plans were to lead his team to an undefeated season and a national championship.  With the dreadful detour of a loss to a lesser opponent, he was faced with the question: Do I let this moment define me, or will I find the strength to define this moment and the moments to come?

The key to defining moments is being prepared for them and expecting that they will happen in our lives.  We cannot always predict when they will happen, but we can be prepared for them.  For Tim Tebow, he had been preparing both on and off the field for anything that life might throw him.  His faith has provided an unwavering source of strength, direction, and peace in his life.  His accomplishments and the life that he leads off the field overshadow all of his accomplishments on the field.  Florida Head Coach Urban Meyer says that everyone who spends time in the presence of Tim Tebow walks away a better person from the experience!

Fast forward from September 27, 2008 to January 8, 2009.  Tim Tebow willed his team to a victory over the Oklahoma Sooners in the BCS National Championship game for college football.  As the game was hanging in the balance and momentum was wavering between the two teams, it was Tebow’s will, belief, and determination that helped him and his teammates gain the victory!  As I was watching the game, I flashed back to the defining moment in September that helped propel him as a leader to focus on the factors that would lead to this victorious moment:

• Learning from the past
• Working hard
• Preparing for and expecting success
• Having faith and belief
• Saying “I Will” and meaning it

It really came down to this quote:

“Learn from the Past, Prepare for the Future, Perform in the Moment!”

For tips, stories, and insights on being prepared for and making the most of the moments in your life, check out my book  Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most.

See to Sing

“No one can sing of things they have not seen,
God, open our eyes towards a greater glimpse."

    -    “Seeing You,” Song by Matt Redman

Our experiences provide the brushes for which we paint our future works of art.  It is impossible for us to speak and communicate about things we have not seen.  Great songwriters tell stories from the their journeys.  Incredible speakers communicate lessons learned and birthed from their experiences.  Parents provide wisdom from successes they have achieved and lessons they have learned from their mistakes.

We must see in order to sing, to tell, and to make an impact.  Seeing involves several things.  First, we must open our eyes – a good tip whether we are trying to learn from our experiences or just drive down the freeway.  It makes for a much more enjoyable commute when I know that the drivers around me have had their coffee and are wide awake!  I also enjoy being around people who are opening their eyes to the opportunities around them.

Second, we must be aware.  It is one thing to open your eyes, but it is a more active step to be aware.  People who are aware make a conscious decision to clearly see the moments and opportunities around them.  They become sensitive to the needs of other people, and they begin to understand their strengths and how to use them for the common good.

Finally, we must become engaged.  No, this is not a subtle push to all the single people out there.  The kind of engagement I am speaking about involves bringing our whole self to the moment.  Engagement involves a deeper involvement both intellectually and emotionally than just basic awareness.  We must become aware of a need to become engaged, but there are plenty of people who notice a need but never realize their opportunity to help the situation.

Singing involves seeing, which involves getting a greater glimpse of the moments that God has given you.  The key question to ask is: “Are we seeking the greater glimpse in our lives?”  Sometimes, we don’t want a greater glimpse, because it may involve a greater commitment or sacrifice on our part.  I encourage you to hold your head up, open your eyes, and consider your life as an opportunity to make an impact in the lives of other people.

There are people who need to hear you sing from things that you have seen!

Fireproof Wins at the Box Office!

Fireproof was the No. 4 overall movie in America this past weekend! On a per-screen average, it was the second-leading per-screen film this weekend. USA Today said: “The surprise of the weekend, though, was the Christian-themed Fireproof. Made for $500,000 and released on 839 screens, the Kirk Cameron drama did $6.5 million and took fourth place.  Most analysts did not expect the film to crack the top 10, yet it enjoyed the second-largest debut this year for a film opening on fewer than 1,000 screens; the biggest was Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour, which debuted to $31 million on 683 screens.”

If you have not seen the movie, go see it and support it this weekend!

Fireproof

Many of you know that I have been a huge fan of the movie Facing the Giants.  Besides loving a movie filled with sports analogies, I truly appreciate the fact that it is a film that is redeeming.  It uplifts and edifies while tapping into every human emotion.  For those of you who have seen the movie, you gotta love the death crawl scene!  In fact, we do that around our house with our five boys on a regular basis.  Not really, but I wish we did.

Alex and Stephen Kendrick have finished a fantastic follow-up to this movie entitled Fireproof, which will be released to theaters on September 26th.  The movie is focused on a firefighter whose job centers around rescuing and protecting people, yet he is failing at being able to rescue his own marriage.  In this struggle, he discovers the solution for true strength to build a solid foundation for the most important human relationship in his life.  Support the efforts of the Kendrick brothers by going to see this movie on opening weekend - September 26th.  To learn more about this movie:


 

New Day

“It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see;
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day.

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see.
It’s a new day
Oh baby, it’s a new day.”

    -    “New Day,” Song by Robbie Seay


I ran through the campus of Vanderbilt University today.  I was in Nashville meeting with some people to discuss opportunities and made time for a run to recharge and reflect before I started my day.  While I could not make out the sun for the clouds, the weather was incredible compared to the Houston heat and humidity.  The architecture, the nature, and the environment were very inspiring.  As I ran through the campus, I saw the beginning of a new school year.  A student walking with a teacher discussing what he did this past summer.  A group of faculty communicating about curriculum as they walked through the quadrangle area.  A mom talking with her daughter about her upcoming freshman year while sitting on a bench underneath some trees.  A group of parents helping their students move into the dorm.  A group of students – probably new freshmen – scurrying across the grass to complete some kind of scavenger hunt as an amused upper classman watched from behind.  A student sitting by herself sipping a latte wondering what her upcoming year would be like.

As I ran past these people, I wondered what they were thinking and feeling.  On campuses all over the world, students are beginning another year of school; but it’s not just another year, it’s a new year.  A “new day” of sorts.  A fresh start and a new beginning.  A blank canvas craving to be painted with their story.

After college, we tend to move past the school year calendar to frame our “new day.”  Each year, January 1st rings a bell beckoning for new beginnings.  For business people, the new fiscal year in September or June drives them to rethink their goals.

We cherish “new days,” especially when the “day” before wasn’t quite how we had envisioned it.  The key question is: How do you envision a new day?  Opportunity or obstacle?  Redeeming or repulsive?  Gorgeous or ghastly?  No matter what side of the fence we are on when we look at a new day, we have to be thankful that we do have a NEW DAY!  How are you going to use this new day to make an impact?

Olympics

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."

    - Mark Twain

In case you hadn't noticed, the Olympic games began this past weekend in China.  Millions of people around the world will watch their favorite athletes represent their country and compete for the gold medal.  As you observe the performances of these incredible participants, you may be wondering, "What is going through their minds?",  "Do they feel the pressure?", and "How do they deal with the pressure?"

The natural tendency for an athlete, especially an Olympic athlete, is to try and ignore the pressure - to act as if it isn't there!  Can you imagine trying to block out and repress the fact that you have trained for four years to compete in an event, and if you fail, you will have to wait another four years for the chance to redeem yourself??  There is considerable pressure in a moment such as this!  You can't just act like it doesn't exist.  You can't just look into the mirror the morning of your competition and say five times, "There is no pressure!"

As a sports performance coach who works with professional and student athletes, I get the privilege to help my athletes perform in the moment and develop mental toughness to persevere through the pressure.  I do not teach repressing your thoughts, which sometimes feels like being in a pool and trying to push a beach ball underneath the water.  As you push on the ball to keep it below the surface, it pops up into the air.  And the harder you push on the ball to keep it submerged, the higher it fights back to fly into the air above the surface for all to see.

 Instead, I teach them that REPLACING beats repressing!  I work with my athletes to replace their thoughts of fear, uncertainty, and doubt caused by the pressure with thoughts of trust, confidence, and belief.  This process involves thoughts that are based on reality - the reality of their identity, their ability, their training, and everything that has prepared them for this moment.

Athletes are not the only ones who face pressure.  Every one of us will face a challenging situation in our lives.  You may face these challenges not just once every four years, but on a daily basis as you navigate the journey of life.  Whatever you are facing today, what is the fear that is holding you back from achieving your dreams?  Ask yourself, "Am I repressing this fear, or worse, obsessing over the fear?"  Consider how you can replace your thoughts of doubt with thoughts of trust, confidence, and belief about your potential to persevere through the pressure.  That's the secret of courage and faith!

Breakthrough or Breakdown?

The guitars were blaring... with some distortion added for effect. Chris Daughtry was screaming, or better said, wailing in my ears.  First, the left, then the right.  I was approaching the last half mile of a serious six mile run and was thrilled to have Daughtry admonishing me that this was "not a time to breakdown!  It's not a time to BREAKDOWWWWWWWNNN!"  The lyrics are from his song "Breakdown" in case you had trouble figuring that out.

The last half mile - not a time to breakdown.  I got it Chris!  You can count on me.  I'm not going to stop now - I've come too far!

This moment made me think of other parts of my life.  Do I apply the same intensity to being a father?  When the time comes to keep persevering through the same conversation about a topic with one of my boys, do I stay the course and help them understand, or do I stop because it's easier just to walk away?  I spoke to one group recently where an executive regretfully admitted that he was on the verge of giving up trying to be a father to his two boys at home.  He confessed, "I know how to motivate my sales force, but I cannot figure out how to motivate the people in my own house."

As a coach, do I become frustrated, because an athlete or an executive is not following through on the advice I have repeatedly shared?  For me personally, do I get caught up in the same routine, or do I challenge myself to grow?  Do I push myself through the 5.5 mile marker and discover the resolve to finish the race.

I don't want to breakdown!   I want to fight the good fight!  I want to finish strong!

What is the challenge at the 5.5 mile marker for you?  What is hindering you from finishing strong?   How are you going to respond in the moment?

A View From Above

“Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the brokenhearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see.”

-    “Give me Your Eyes,” Song by Brandon Heath

The trees below were not that far from my reach.  I was flying from Dallas back to Houston, but this was not your normal plane ride.  I was flying in a prop plane that had 4 seats – including the pilot’s seat.  We were not that far above the ground – at least not as far as I usually liked to be.  From the view and the relatively close distance to the ground, I could see everything.  I saw the intricate details of neighborhoods, towns, and cities.  I saw the family cooking bar-b-que in their backyard.  I witnessed the couple having an argument outside their front door.  I observed the cul-de-sac baseball game that was taking place just a street away from the siblings selling lemonade.

I could see everything, yet none of the people I was observing could see what was going on one house from them much less one street or one neighborhood away.  Brandon Heath has an incredible new song entitled “Give Me Your Eyes” that will be coming out on his new album in August.  The song speaks of desiring to see the world through a different pair of eyes – namely, God’s eyes.  Many times, we can become so narrowly focused on our own private world that we miss the world around us.  We become ambivalent and apathetic to the needs of the people in our sphere of influence, because we view our surroundings through our own eyes.

Consider your view the next time you step out of your house to venture out into the world.  What world do you see, and whose eyes do you see it through?  The view from above can be quite enlightening!  We should seek it more often to see how the moments in our lives are inextricably linked and how we can make a difference if we choose the right eyes.

Pray it Forward

“The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for; others steal
Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel… luckily.”

        -    City of Blinding Lights, song by U2

Hannah walked into the donut shop to buy a dozen glazed donuts as her mom waited anxiously in the car.  As this hopeful 12-year old girl waited patiently in line, the man in front of her paid for his chocolate glazed donut and coffee.  The cashier took a dollar bill out of the register and said, “Here is your change, Sir.  Make it a great day!”  The man responded, “You keep it.”

Still trying to process the moment and not quite sure of the concept of tipping, Hannah stepped up to the counter and placed her order.  “One dozen glazed donuts, please,” she said politely.  The woman behind the counter grabbed a box and carefully placed the hot glazed donuts into it.  Hannah handed her the money as she received the box of treats.  As the cashier attempted to give Hannah her change, Hannah joyously exclaimed, “The man in front of me liked your service so much, why don’t you keep it!”  The next day, Hannah and her mom pulled up to the donut shop, and the woman behind the counter ran out to meet them and give them a hug.  Surprised by the gesture, Hannah’s mom asked, “What was that for?”  The woman explained that she made $30 in tips the previous day, due to Hannah’s decision to pay it forward as she saw the man in front of her demonstrate.

A similar experience happened to me in Starbucks the other day.  A person in front of me – someone I did not know – told the barista that he was paying for my coffee drink as well as his.  Startled by this gesture, I said, “You don’t have to do that.  I just reloaded my Starbucks card.”  I thought, maybe I look like I can’t afford $3.81 for a grande mocha?  He responded, “No, I want to do this.  I am just paying forward what someone did for me.”  He grabbed his coffee drink and scurried off to work, and I was left standing in front of the barista pondering the previous moment and wondering what I should do next.

How are you paying it forward?  Given our current climate and the strains of the economy, it is much easier to pull in the reigns of generosity – not only financially, but also mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.  Some people allow circumstances to dictate their response to life and to other people.  They are reactively existing instead of proactively living the life they have been given.  Are you giving of yourself to others?  Do people benefit because you showed up today?  Are you paying it forward?  Are you praying it forward?

Acts 20:35 in the Bible says, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  A good friend of mine and mentor often says, “There are givers, and there are takers.”  Which one will you be?

Fear

“I am convinced that it is not the fear of death, of our lives ending that haunts our sleep so much as the fear... that as far as the world is concerned, we might as well never have lived.”

                        - Harold Kushner

Is it death that makes us so afraid or the thought that we may not have lived a life of meaning and purpose?  Or worse, the life that we lived did not fulfill the life that was imagined when God created us?

Through my work with athletes, I have seen many stories of celebration and conquest as well as disgust and defeat.  Most athletes do not fear a clock that reads 0:00 – especially if they know they have given their all and played their best.  What frightens them the most is reaching the end of a contest knowing they did play to the best of their ability or potential.

We must play to win instead of playing not to lose.  In other words, we need to appreciate the opportunities we have been given and use them to make an impact in the lives of other people.  When the last second ticks off the clock of your life, what thought will you have?  Will you triumphantly raise your hands in victory celebrating a fulfilling life?  Or, will you hang your head haunted by the feeling that you could have been more and could have done more?

Begin today by asking the following relevant and pertinent questions:

• What roles do I play in life (e.g. student, father, mother, spouse, business leader)?
• What am I doing with the responsibilities and opportunities of these roles?
• Am I realizing my potential in all areas of my life?
• Am I motivated by the joy of living or haunted by the fear of dying?
• Do I see opportunities to make an impact and seize them?
• At the end of this year, this decade, this life, will I cherish the memories that I made or fear the regrets that I have?

As Ken Blanchard so prophetically proclaims, “The legacy you live is the legacy you leave.”

The Year of Moments

This year will be filled with moments.  But, what kind of moments?

A moment of decision.  A moment of direction.  A moment of determination.  A moment of dedication.  A moment of challenge.  A moment of risk.  A moment of questions.  A moment of clarity.  A moment to shine.  A moment to take your game to the next level.  An opportunity to make a difference in the life of another person.  A moment to serve.  An opportunity to grow.   A moment to discover the art of the possible.

Life would be much easier if we could predict when each of these moments would occur.  We could sidestep the risk and enjoy the reward.  We could leap over the questions right into the arms of answers.  We would always be prepared for making the right decisions in our lives.  We would dedicate each day to be fully engaged.  Purpose and passion would be our mantra.  Grace, mercy, faith, hope, humility, and love would be like a fragrant offering to people in our lives.

Why don’t we live like this every day – every moment of our lives?  Do we have to know when these moments will occur to be more intentional with our lives?  We cannot predict when special moments will occur, but we can be prepared for these moments.  As you reflect on last year and look forward with anticipation to this new year, are you prepared?  Preparation begins with knowing that you were created for a purpose and calling and that there are plans for you.  Discovering those plans and clarifying your calling is the journey of life.  Each moment means something and serves as a building block in your life.  A moment of fear and challenge can build faith and courage to face the future.  An opportunity to serve others initiates a response of gratitude for the relationships and blessings we have.  A moment to shine (as well as stumble) helps us appreciate the journey.

My prayer is that you will make 2008 a year of moments.  When December 31, 2008, comes crashing through the door, welcome it with a sense that you made memories, not regrets.

Use this acrostic to make the most of the moments in your life this year:

C – Choice: Choose wisely and put a filter in place for making the best decisions based upon your purpose and values.  Choose to make a difference in the life of another person every day.
A – Attitude: Have a great attitude in every moment!  A great attitude comes from a spirit within us that persists and permeates all of who we are and exhibits its characteristics in everything we do and say.
R – Response: You have the ability to choose your response.  When adversity advances, respond with perseverance and relentlessness. 

Contentment

“To be prosperous would not require much of me,
You see, contentment is the one thing it entails.
To be content with where I am and getting where I need to be,
And moving past the past where I have failed.”

                -    “Up and Up,” Song by Relient K

Be content, but never satisfied!  I have always preferred the word “contentment” over the word “satisfied.”  Some would argue that these words are synonyms, but I prefer to think of them as distant cousins symbolizing a battle between good versus great.  To me, the word “satisfied” symbolizes an attitude of arrival and a halt to any further growth, learning, or momentum in your life.  When my oldest son Drew was 7, I was trying to encourage him to go outside and play basketball with me.  I also wanted to emphasize the importance of practice and preparation in sports and, more importantly, in life.  I asked him, “Drew, why don’t you come out and practice basketball with me?”  Drew confidently responded, “Dad, I don’t need to practice.  I already know how to play basketball.”  At the age of 7, he thought he had already mastered what the truly great players like Larry Bird and Magic Johnson never stopped perfecting.  At that moment, Drew was exclaiming that he was satisfied with the results.

The word “contentment” connotes a level of peace with the results so far and a yearning to go farther -  a commitment to never stop growing and learning.  Tiger Woods, a champion in his own right and a master at the game of golf, said it best:

“People ask me, ‘Are you there yet?’  No, you never get there and that’s the great thing about it.  You can always be better the next day.  That’s how I look at golf and that’s how I look at life.  You can always be better.”

In 2007, Tiger won his 13th major golf championship, putting him in striking distance of breaking Jack Nicklaus’ record of 18 major golf championship victories before he finishes his career.  His willpower, discipline, and dedication to excellence has been a guiding force in his quest to become his best.  With all of the success Tiger has achieved throughout his career, his courage to change and grow has been critical to maintaining his excellence.  If someone has success in anything, the tendency is not to mess with success.  He or she lives by the mantra, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Tiger has lived by a different philosophy striving to perfect his swing for a lifetime.  He has modified his swing three times in his career so far, usually after a period of sustained success.  He is content, but never satisfied.

Contentment involves the following:

• Be content with where you are and have a vision for where you need to be, both in terms of actions and character.
• Celebrate your accomplishments and move on.
• Move past the past moments where you may have failed.
• Strive to be better every day!

Forgiven

“Oh yes, I know this tension that you speak of;
We’re in the palm of a hand making a fist.
It’d be best for one of us to speak up,
But we prefer to pretend it does not exist.

And I know that I have been forgiven,
And I just hope you can forgive me too.”                     

                 -    “Forgiven” by Relient K

Can you relate to tension?  Tension so strong between you and another person that you just want to make a fist; yet so controlling that you just want to ignore it.  We all experience moments like this.  We are human.  We let people down.  We don’t always keep our commitments.  We act selfishly, even in simple things like taking the last piece of pie in the refrigerator or leaving the toilet seat up – or down – depending on your gender and seat preference.  We say disparaging things about people when they are not around and then treat them like we are so glad they showed up.  We hurt the ones we love the most.

While some people intentionally set out to do these things, most people do not.  These actions just happen along the way.  When you have been on the receiving end of one of these offenses, do you let it fester?  Do you let it take root like a seed of bitterness?  Do you step up to resolve the issue or prefer to act as if it does not exist?

If you have committed an offense toward another person, what role does pride prevent you from extending an open hand and admitting the words, “I’m wrong” and “I’m sorry?”

Forgiveness.  Grace.  Mercy.  Love.  Components of life that should permeate the presence of our being.

So often, we forsake forgiveness.  It is much easier to hold a grudge than to extend forgiveness to another person.  It is more comfortable to embrace pride than to unleash humility.  Fortunately, all of us have been forgiven.  We just need to seek that forgiveness.  Take a moment today to forgive someone who has offended you.  Make amends for something you have said or done toward another person.  Be willing to drop the shield of pride and persona to be real and authentic in your most precious relationships.  Unleash the grace that has been extended to you!

Undeniable

"Undeniable"

1. incapable of being denied or disputed;
2. not open to refusal;
3. unquestioned as to quality, merit, etc.; indisputably good.

        - Source: Dictionary.com

Some things are questionable like a bad call made by a referee in sports.  Some things are debatable like the argument of who was the better player – Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, or Magic Johnson.  Some things are undeniable like the outcome of the math equation 2+2.

Sometimes, we confuse questionable things for undeniable things.  Based on our biases and mental models, we begin to question truths that are undeniable and espouse debatable points as undeniable terms.  Lies become truths and truths become relative to fit our frame of reference or point of view for that day.  Convenience becomes our conviction as a weak attempt to satisfy the deepest longings of our soul.

A husband denies the ring on his finger for temporary and fleeting pleasure.  A leader in a company forgoes the truth for quarterly gain.  A mother denies herself for the benefit of others until she cannot give anymore.  What was once undeniable becomes questionable, debatable, rationalized, and sometimes even deniable.

My father-in-law, Barry Landrum, likes to say: “A lie is still a lie, no matter how many people believe it.  And the truth is still the truth, even if no one believes it.”  There is no denying 2+2=4.  Whether you believe it or not, the fact is still undeniable.  You may not like the outcome.  You may want to rationalize it away.  You may want to deny with all of your might.  No matter how much you try to question it, the song remains the same.

Which makes me wonder: Are there other undeniable matters in a person’s life that need to be addressed? 

• A call to forgive
• An apology we need to make
• Time we need to invest
• A purpose we need to define
• Faith we need to explore

What is calling out to you that is absolutely, positively undeniable?

“It's undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It's unforgettable now that we've come this far
It's unmistakable that you're undeniable.”

    - from the song “Undeniable” by Mat Kearney   

Father

“Watching John with the machine, it was suddenly so clear. The terminator wouldn't stop, it would never leave him. It would never hurt him or shout at him or get drunk and hit him or say it was too busy to spend time with him. And it would die to protect him. Of all the would-be fathers that came over the years, this thing, this machine, was the only thing that measured up. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice.”  (Sarah Connor, Terminator 2: Judgment Day)

   

Is this what fatherhood has come to?  Is the perfect father only found in a movie?  And more than that, does the ideal father figure have to be a robot!  This line in Terminator 2 has always stuck out to me, which is interesting, since the movie is known more for fast-paced action than sentimental moments.  Additionally, most people only recall 3-4 word phrases by Arnold Schwarzenegger when they think of this movie.

Imagine a Father that would always pursue us, never leave us, and pour himself into us in order for us to become all that we were intended and created to be.  Imagine a Father whose primary goal was to build up, not tear down.  To affirm, not rebuke.  To serve, not scare.  To be fully present, not just send presents.

According to recent research, a father’s role is essential to both boys and girls in their affirmation and in the development of a positive self-esteem.  To do this, fathers must be present – and not just present, but fully present physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  A father must invest in their children in each of these areas.  A father has to do more than just show up.  He must consistently show up giving his very best, which is the ideal definition of dependability.  If you are a father, ask yourself the following questions:

• How am I investing in the hopes, dreams, and aspirations of my children?
• Am I spending time with my kids?
• Is the time I invest in them purposeful and intentional?
• Am I leaving their development to luck or chance by any inaction on my part?
• Are they more important than my clients, customers, and employees?

Based upon these answers, you may want to consider a course correction for how you are fulfilling your mission as a father.  My challenge to you would be to strategically plan on a weekly basis to spend one-on-one time with each of your children as well as group time.  If you have one child, this challenge should be relatively easy to put into practice.  For me, scheduling time with 5 individual boys can be a challenge, but it is a goal I strive for along with the group time.  I don’t always accomplish it within a given week, but it is my goal.

My other challenge to you would be to take off an afternoon in the next two weeks, show up at the house unexpectedly, and surprise your children by taking them to do something that they love doing.  And while you are experiencing this amazing time with someone who looks up to you, turn off the blackberry!

Check out this movie about time.

Power Cord

My wife and boys recently performed a home makeover on my study as a birthday present to me.  In the process of cleaning out things that needed to be removed long ago and installing new ideas and concepts to inspire creativity and organization, a power cord to our printer was misplaced.  We had bought this printer several months ago, and it had been serving us well with its array of talents and capabilities such as faxing, printing, scanning, and copying.  It was able to connect to our wireless network with the blink of an eye.  This printer’s photo capabilities were amazing, and we were just beginning to realize its potential.

Yet, there it sat – all of that talent and all of that potential wasting away, because it was not connected to the power source.  No matter how hard I pushed the power button for it to turn on, it was not going to achieve its true potential until we found the power cord and plugged it in.  We scoured the house but to no avail.  My boys found an assortment of plugs in different shapes and sizes, but none of these provided the right connection.

Some people go through life trying to “plug in” to a variety of sources.  Others sit there like my printer, yearning to add value, but lacking the cord to connect to the one true source that can do immeasurably more than they could ever imagine.  Still, other people are plugged in and connected to the right source but are still not turning on the power button and realizing their true potential.  We were all meant for connection, calling, and community.  Are you plugged in to the right source?  Have you pushed the “On” button and accepted the challenge of living the life you were designed and created for?

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."  (John 8:12)

Questions

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected by the Virgina Tech tragedy, especially the students and their families who were killed and wounded.  I received a message from a friend of mine and a Virginia Tech grad student who sent an encouraging message to his friends and fellow students challenging them to pull together and reminding them of the 8 Pylons of Virginia Tech:

Brotherhood:        Human relationships “love”
Duty:                   Obligation/responsibility to each other
Honor:                 Respect for each other
Leadership;          Positive influence
Loyalty:               Faithful to Ut Prosim
Service:               Helping others
Sacrifice:             Offering of self, carrying each other’s burdens of loss
Ut Prosim:           “That I May Serve,” and right now that means, each other.

It is times like these that I am reminded of the uncertainties of life - both the awesome events that happen in our lives leaving us to wonder "Why us?" and the terrible tragedies such as the events of yesterday causing us to look at the sky and harshly cry out "Why us!?!"  I featured a blog on October 30, 2005, that asks the question Why?? and provides some questions that can help us get through times such as these.  Also, here is a link to a video by Rob Bell who highlights the One who is carrying us when the rain comes.

Let us never forget the fact that we are held.  Always!

Clarity

“What has become clear since we last met?”

            -    Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson used to ask his friends this very important question.  It is an excellent question to consider when thinking about the moments of your life.  What events have happened over the last few days, weeks, months, and years?  What have you learned as a result of those moments?  What action will you take as things become clear?

We all crave clarity.  Clarity of purpose.  Clarity of meaning.  Clarity of direction.  Clarity about relationships.  Clarity about decisions.  Some of us are better at driving toward clarity, even in the midst of a fog.

Commotion steers us away from becoming clear about direction and decisions in our life.  We often tend to gravitate toward noise and clamor, because it beckons loudly for our attention.  Answer this e-mail.  Pick up this phone.  Respond to my request.  Some of these calls are important, some are urgent, others are unnecessary.  How do you filter through the noise of your life to gain clarity about who you are, where you are going, and what you are doing?

Great organizations – businesses, churches, non-profits – are crystal clear about who they are, where they are going, and what they are doing.  They have a solid mission statement that defines their true calling.  In the same way, we, as individuals, must understand what our mission is and pursue our calling for a lifetime.  A person with a clearly defined mission statement has no trouble deciding what is important and what they only pretend to care about.

Why were you created and placed on this Earth?  Are you fulfilling your craving for clarity?

Commotion

I was at a client’s office the other day, and I stopped into the restroom before going into a meeting.  One of the stall doors was shut indicating someone was inside.  To my surprise, this person had his cell phone with him, and it began to ring.  I thought to myself, “Surely, he is not going to answer it!”  By the third ring, I had this crazy suspicion that he WAS going to answer it – RIGHT HERE in the restroom.  A “Hello” from the closed stall silenced the rings, and I began to wonder if I was in a restroom or a boardroom.  As he continued to talk and showed no signs of cutting the conversation short, I faced a serious dilemma.  To flush or not to flush became the million-dollar question.  I felt bad, at first, because I didn’t want to interrupt his call with a thunderous noise of water in the background.  I regained my senses, realized that I was actually in the restroom, and flushed.  I actually thought he would say something to me as I exited the newly created conference room.

The creative tension between focus and interference.  You are checking out of a store, and the person behind the counter picks up the phone.  You are at lunch, and the person across the table from you responds to the buzz on the side of his belt.  Multitasking is the new synonym for not paying attention.

What have we become when we cannot even disconnect from an electronic device long enough to enjoy the sanctuary of the bathroom!  Commotion, distractions, and clutter consume our lives.  Noise is everywhere and serves as the soundtrack of our lives.  How can we focus when we are bombarded with requests and invitations to respond to the tyranny of the urgent, while leaving the important by the wayside.  The answer is only a choice away.

Valentine

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

                        - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Today is a day about love.  For some, it is a special day, full of excitement and wonder.  For many, it is a day full of anxiety and stress – anxiety about whether they got the right gift and stress over waiting until the last minute to get something at all.  For others, it is a day of regret and loneliness.  Some people have feelings of regret that they have forsaken their first love, attracted by the luring of another thing or person.  Regret over not taking the time to communicate their feelings to another while that person was alive.  Loneliness over not having anyone to say “I love you” to and hearing the same anthem echo through the walls of their heart.  Loneliness over choices that they made that have left them cold and empty.

Do we really need a day dedicated to love?  Isn’t love a lifestyle?  Don’t we need more than just one day?  We demonstrate our love moment by moment.  Love is not just one day where we buy roses, chocolates, and a $7.50 card and then forget those thoughts and feelings 364 days out of the year.  I am reminded of the husband, when asked by his wife if he loved her, reassuringly told her, “Look, I said I loved you when we got married.  If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”  Men, try that out tonight, and let me know how it works.

Love involves authenticity, caring, commitment, communication, dedication, discipline, determination, focus, feelings, humility, and vulnerability.  Love requires your best!  Don’t let your life be filled with “words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”  Make it a goal to let the people who are closest to you constantly know how you feel and then show them through your actions.  Not just for a day, but for your entire life!

The Valley

“I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You.”

  - “I Will Lift My Eyes,” song by Bebo Norman

Have you ever gotten a crick in your neck?  Have you ever awakened with an excruciating pain pulsating through the muscles in your neck down to the middle part of your back?  I have, and sometimes, I don’t even notice it until I have begun my morning routine.  The thing about the pain is that it doesn’t readily reveal itself; it sneaks up on you when you least expect it.  You have been sleeping through the night with your head and neck in the wrong position, and the pain is waiting to pounce on you once you think about the great day ahead.

Valleys are sometimes like this.  They appear seemingly out of nowhere.  No sign, no warning, and, certainly, no welcome invitation.  We don’t see many signs inviting us to experience the “joys of the valley.”  Valleys represent the lowest point on a terrain and in our lives.  We look forward to the peaks and abhor the valleys.  At our lowest point, we silently exclaim, “How long is this going to last, and when is it going to stop?!”

When we are in the depths of a valley, we must look up, not down.  The tendency is to look down.  We lose our jobs; we look down.  We extend ourselves beyond our means and don’t get the raise we expected; we look down.  After ten weeks of pregnancy, we discover that the heart is no longer beating, and we look down.  We receive the news about a loved one who is suddenly dying of cancer without any hope for the future, and we look down.  The pain in our neck from looking down forces us to finally regain our senses and look up because there is nowhere else to turn.

All of us can relate to mountains we can’t climb, oceans raging wild, and hurts we hold inside.  These are expressions of the valley moments that we experience.  Why not turn to the One who created the mountains, calms the oceans, and heals all of our hurts.  When we experience a valley moment in our life, we must look up.  We must lift our eyes and allow Him to pull us up out of the valley.

Color

Context.  Content.  Character.

He had a dream!  What's yours??

He made the most of the moments of his life?  Will you??

Awakening

“Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn’t look the same tonight.
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere;
And in all my life, I don’t know if I ever felt so alive….

Maybe it’s called ambition, you’ve been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we’re awakening.”

    - “Awakening” by Switchfoot

The package arrived on the day after Christmas.  The postman said he was sorry it didn’t arrive by Christmas day.  I told him, “That’s ok.  I know what it is, and this gift is right on time.”  It was the Switchfoot holiday package including their new CD Oh Gravity, the latest addition to my iPod.  “Awakening” is a song that speaks to the very heart of me.  In fact, "Awakening" has become my theme for 2007.

Every day, I strive to be fully awake - helpful when driving and even more important when traversing the journey of life.  When we awaken, we become aware.  We become aware of who we are, where we are, who else is around us, and begin to discover why we are here.  There are times when I get this right.  Other times, it is a struggle to keep my eyes open; or better said, focused on the right things.  The intentions are there, but the actions sometimes falter.

An awakening can also involve a renewal of attention or interest in something or someone.  The beginning of a new year tends to bring things and people to our attention.  We think about goals that we accomplished and people we impacted over the last year.  We also regret moments we slumbered through, failing to say the right words or do the right thing.  While it is easy to be weighed down by my moments of inaction, I always resolve myself to learn from the past and perform in the moment.  I can never change the past, and the future is only impacted by what I do today.  Are you propelled or pummeled by your moments?  Even moments of regret can serve as a building block in your life.  The key is how you use them.

We also consider the opportunities before us in the new year.  New ideas to be discovered.  New people to be met, and new relationships to be formed.  New callings to be heard and found.

Awakening allows us to never miss a moment.  A moment to cherish.  A moment to influence.  A moment to love.  A moment to engage.  A moment to experience all that our life was intended to be about.  A moment to make our lives count for what matters most.  We have been created to go through life with eyes wide open.

As you reflect on the past year, how would you rate 2006?  Was it filled with accomplishments?  Successes?  Challenges?   Trials?  Were you fully engaged in the moments of your life?

As you consider the beginning of another year, what opportunities lie ahead?  Are there dreams that you have been mentioning as you “sleep” through another day of the same old thing?  Some people go through their whole life never awakening to the possibilities before them.  My challenge to myself and to you for 2007 is to awaken to the purpose and the potential of each new day.  Live for something higher and bigger than the next deadline.  The alarm clocks of life are usually louder than the still small voice of opportunity.

What are we waking up to?

Let us all awaken to that still small voice that has been calling to us since birth!   

Empty

"There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone

Here they talked of revolution
Here it was they lit the flame
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came."

–  from the song “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” from the musical Les Miserables

An empty gas tank.  An empty box.  An empty office.  Empty is such a hollow word.  I am not sure there is anything I like about the word “empty.”

An empty stare.  An empty day.  An empty person.  An empty life.  An empty soul.

What if our daytimers were filled with pages waiting to be used in the new year, and the only thing that was left over at the end of the year was a lonely daytimer sitting on a desk with hardly a drop of ink on any single page.  An empty life waiting to be filled.  So much potential; so much promise.  Yet, the potential was never realized.  All that was left was an empty daytimer sitting on a desk.

Empty days currently fill many people’s lives.  They sit back, hoping to make an impact, while relaxing in the comfort of a recliner.  This chair is not always the most comfortable for them, for they know they are not realizing their full potential.  A leader forsaking integrity and making a wrong turn.  A father not teaching his kids about responsibility.  A mother not sharing her secrets about successful relationships.  A friend forgetting to keep someone accountable.

All of us at some point face an empty moment or, worse, an empty day.  A day that we made a detour or did not fully engage in our role at a particular moment.  The critical factor is not to let those empty days turn into empty years culminating in an empty life.

The irony of this situation is that many people whose lives are filled with empty moments sometimes foolishly think that they are living a very full life.  As researcher George Barna said:

“The common solution [for a dissatisfied life] is to keep busy and to stimulate ourselves with a variety of new experiences – that way we are not so likely to feel the pain of those fundamental holes in our lives.  People have discovered that if they fill the gaps with commitments and excitement, then they’re less prone to feel the emptiness of loneliness and aimlessness.  Of course, that just prolongs the inner despair that eventually cannot be suppressed any longer.”

Don’t let it be said of you, “He could have done so much,” or “She had so much potential.”  If people are still talking about your potential at the end of your life, then you never reached it.

Are we filling ourselves with the right things?  Do we maximize the moments in our lives with the right activities?

I like the word “filled” better.  Filled to the brim.  Full tank.  Full stomach.  Full of energy.  Filled with the Spirit.

What I have learned is that you sometimes have to empty yourself in order to be filled.

Mentoring

“When the learner is ready, the teacher will appear.”

Mentoring is the process of pouring your life into the life of another person.  Mentoring involves a true commitment to care enough about the life of another person to help them reach their hopes, dreams, and aspirations.  A good mentor shares wisdom learned from successes and failures.  A true mentor listens well, shares advice when necessary or prompted, and leads by example.  Sometimes, just being in the presence of your mentor can provide you with the energy and enthusiasm to accomplish your goals, persevere through trials, and conquer your fears.  It is not always what a mentor says but the intensity with which he or she listens that can provide the answers.

I remember the last year that I spent with my grandfather provided me with a wealth of inspiration and insight.  At this point in his life, he was trying to persevere through cancer, and his faculties were not as sharp as they once had been.  Just being in his presence, however, brought back the memories of every wise word he had said, every noble deed he had done, and every magnificent moment he had leveraged to listen to my hopes and dreams. 

I thought about the times he took me to meet his friends for coffee.  This regular ritual was a mentoring group before the word was popular.  I was barely old enough to know what coffee was, but he took me along like I was “one of the boys.”  His friends accepted this minor intrusion on their time out of respect for my grandfather.  If he said it was ok, then it must be.

I also thought about all of the values that he instilled in me like a hard work ethic, integrity, serving others, humility, authenticity, and a love for God, your family, and other people.  My grandfather did not speak a lot of words during his last year on this earth, but his life and the time I spent in his presence spoke volumes.

Who has been a mentor to you?   Who are you mentoring?  Mentoring is the kind of thing that must be paid forward.  During the Thanksgiving holidays, I encourage and challenge you to do two things.  First, reach out in some way to the people who have made an impact in your life – your family, friends, co-workers – and say thanks.  You could even take the time to actually write a note or letter and mail it – something that is not done as much these days given the proliferation of e-mail.  Second, set a goal of serving as a mentor to someone.

The funny thing about mentoring is that the mentor many times becomes the true learner.

Feel free to click on the “Comments” link below to add your mentoring story of how someone has made an impact in your life.   

Holding Patterns

A few years ago, I was traveling with my two oldest sons.  We were returning from a visit to see their grandmother in my hometown.  As we approached our final destination, I noticed that we seemed to be circling the airport but never making any significant movement toward a definitive landing.  As we circled again for the fourth time, the captain came on the intercom and indicated what we all knew to be true – we were in a holding pattern, and we would not be landing for an indefinite period of time.  He actually said, “We would be landing shortly,” but we sensed that shortly really meant “indefinite,” “inordinate,” and what seemed to be “infinite” and “indeterminable.”  Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours.

I began to think about holding patterns in our life.  Are there ever times in our life when we are in a holding pattern?  The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines a holding pattern as “a state or period in which no progress or change is made or planned.”  Many times a holding pattern in life involves inactivity toward a specific and productive goal or opportunity.  We wait, hesitate, and circle again and again over our desired destination.  All the while, the most important people in our lives wait impatiently for us to “land the plane.”  Fear, uncertainty, and doubt can breed indecision and patterns of inaction on our part.  The inevitable consequence of remaining in a holding pattern is running out of fuel and crashing.

Are you currently in a holding pattern in some area of your life?  Are you struggling to make a decision or take some action that would benefit the people around you?   Are you wondering about your purpose and calling, afraid to step out in faith and take the next step?  If so, think about the moment you first jumped off the high dive.  When I was a kid, there were two diving boards at the pool I visited – the low dive and the high dive.  The low dive was safe and secure while the high dive was dangerous and doubtful.  I often jumped off the low dive but never ventured too close to the perilous steps of the high dive.  Then, one momentous day, I found the courage to bravely climb the countless rungs of the “other” ladder.  Do you remember this journey and the way your heart felt along the way?  Fear.  Uncertainty.  Doubt.  Indecision about whether to take the next step.  As I reached the apex of the high dive and peered over the end of the board into the pool, my legs felt like I was in cement firmly planted in a holding pattern that was not going to proceed at any point in the near future.  As I thought about the moment, a kind voice behind me reassured me that I would be OK.  I heard the sound of a female voice below encouraging me to jump.  Instead of being trapped by fear and doubt, I decided to take the plunge and found it to be an exhilarating adventure.  As I got out of the pool, I saw my Mom cheering for me, and I ran to jump off the high dive again – this time allowing myself to enjoy the journey.

All of a sudden, my oldest son shook me out of my trance, and I heard another female voice.  This time, it was the flight attendant on the intercom indicating that we would be making our final descent into our desired destination.

Don’t allow holding patterns to rob you of the moments in your life.  Consider your calling, develop a plan, step out in faith, and enjoy the life God has given you!  In other words, LAND THE PLANE!

The Best Moment Podcast

This podcast was originally delivered on a conference call to leaders in businesses and organizations throughout the world.  In this presentation, I address the the concept of a moment and share how to maximize the moments in your life to build momentum.  Check it out and provide your comments and feedback via this blog.

The Best Moment

Consider the key question:  Who are you going To Be, and what are you going To Do in the moment?

Effort

Effort

1.    The use of physical or mental energy to do something; exertion.
2.    A difficult exertion of the strength or will: It was an effort to get up.
3.    A usually earnest attempt: Make an effort to arrive promptly.
4.    Something done or produced through exertion; an achievement: a play that was his finest effort.
5.    Physics. Force applied against inertia.

            - From the American Heritage Dictionary

What does it mean to give effort?  How many times do you watch a great sporting event and comment about the effort of an individual or team?  “He gave great effort on that play.”  “The team showed no effort!”  “Where was the effort??”

Reviewing the textbook definition of the word “effort,” you discover words such as “power,” “force,” “work,” “physical or mental energy,” “strength,” and “will.”  It takes all of these components to give effort.  Volition, or the power to choose, is where effort begins.  Every action begins with a thought.  Effort, which involves some kind of action, begins with a decision.  Either you are going to give effort or not.  When you think of effort, is it an all or nothing proposition?  I know people sometimes talk in terms of not giving 100% effort.  We rebuke others and tell them they did not give their best effort, which suggests that you can give good effort, mediocre effort, or bad effort.

The concept of effort applies in other areas of our life besides sports.  A person’s job immediately comes to mind.  You have probably worked with people who didn’t give their best effort.  Maybe, you had the misfortune of working with the monkeys on the Career Builder.com commercials who consistently give no effort.

Relationships also involve effort.  Some people call this concept “work.”  They say things like “marriage takes work!”  But, who wants to “work??”  Most people I know want to pursue their passions and give their best effort to be excellent at whatever they do.  They do not consider any part of their life – their job, their relationships, their marriage, their activities, etc. – WORK!  What others call work, they call EFFORT.  They give their best effort to things they are passionate about.  For example, if your marriage is important to you – if you care about your spouse – you are going to put in the effort to make the relationship flourish.  You are also going to build the relationship on a solid foundation that doesn’t wash away when the flood of calamity crashes against the shore of your life.  Effort depends upon how much you care and your own volition.  You have the freedom and power to choose if you are going to give effort to make the relationship work or to walk away. 

The key question is: Do you want to put in the effort?

Special Delivery

What does it mean to show up and deliver in a moment when the game is on the line?  David Ortiz knows.  A few weeks ago, I was watching the Boston Red Sox play the Cleveland Indians on TV with my two oldest boys by my side.  Cleveland was winning the game 8-6, and Boston was down to their last at-bat.  The Red Sox had 2 men on base with one out.  My wife watched amusingly as 3 of her boys were praying for a big moment to happen for the Red Sox, while she just wanted 2 of them to go to bed.  We couldn’t, because the moment of truth was just about to happen.  Ortiz was coming to the plate.   

“Big Papi,” as he is affectionately referred to by fans and teammates, has had his share of big moments over the last few years.  He has become the greatest clutch hitter in his generation.  As I sat there and reflected on the moment, I knew something was going to happen.  It was one of those times when you could just feel it!  The first two pitches were balls.  Big Papi stepped out of the batter’s box, spit on one batting glove, and slapped his hands together signaling that something big was about to happen.  My boys and I looked at each other like we knew what was coming.  The pitch was delivered, and Ortiz crushed a 3-run home run to center field in Boston’s Fenway Park to deliver another timely hit and another thrilling victory.  As he rounded third base, he threw off his helmet and jumped on home plate as all of his teammates jumped on him.  As a side note, my boys and I were also jumping up and down like we a part of the celebration.

For Ortiz, this was his second game-ending hit in 3 days and his fifth one this season.  He has had a total of 12 game-ending, or “walk off hits,” over the last 4 years – the most by any major league baseball player.  Ortiz said after the game, “You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do….”

What does this mean for you?  What are your pressure situations?  What game is on the line when you step into the world?  For some people, delivery means being the compassionate father who serves and loves his wife and kids.  Delivery can also look like a mother who strives to be everything to everyone around her – at work, at home, and in the community.  Or, maybe it is the student who takes a stand based on faith.  Showing up and delivering in life means stepping up to the plate – i.e. your house, your office, your place of worship, your neighborhood, someone else’s neighborhood – and offering your giftedness to serve others.  You have been created for a purpose with God-given talents.  Your life represents your turn to step into the batter’s box.  The time you have on this Earth is similar to the pitches you receive.

Seize the opportunity today to make a difference in the lives of other people.  We are all waiting on you to step up and be the greatest clutch hitter in your generation!

Hide and Seek

Everyone has played the game of hide and seek at some point in their lives.  I remember playing this game as a child with my friends.  Even today, I play the game with my wife and boys.  Many times, my 3-yr old Grant hides so well, we cannot find him.  He eventually comes wandering out of his “cave” exclaiming, “Somebody find me!”

We all want to be found.  Even when we hide, we never want to hide so well that no one can find us.  Duke University recently published a study in the June issue of the American Sociological Review that cited some startling results regarding our ability to hide from others.  The poll stated that “most Americans are close to only 2 people” and that “1 in 4 people have no one to discuss important matters.”

The key question is: Do we hide ourselves so well that we get lonely?  Do we go along with life hiding our fears, our needs, and our insecurities and then suddenly find ourselves exclaiming, “Somebody find me!”

When Grant was 18-months old, he used to cover his eyes and hide his face and confidently say, “You can’t find me!”  He believed that if he couldn’t see us that we couldn’t see him.  Sometimes, we act just like this in our relationships.  We try to cover our eyes and hide our face, all the while dying on the inside for someone to remove our hands from our eyes revealing the reality of our needs.

In our lives, we sometimes treat God in this manner, thinking we can hide our fears, our faults, our insecurities, and our needs behind the hands of human confidence and pride.  What an awesome truth to realize that God knows our name, our needs, our faults, our strengths, our insecurities, our path, our purpose, and our direction.  He reaches down, gently moves our hands from our eyes, and finds us just when we need Him.  If I was going to lose the game of hide and seek, I can think of no other person I would want to lose to than God.  I am truly glad that He is “IT.”

Can You Hear Me???

“Singing without tongues
Screaming without lungs
I want more than my desperation
I want more than my lonely nation.”
        - Lyrics from the Switchfoot song “Lonely Nation”

What does it mean to sing without tongues?  What does it look like when someone screams without lungs?  It reminds me of a really bad dream or a truly terrible cell phone connection.  The reality is that people are singing and, moreover, screaming all around us.  We just don’t hear them.  We don’t pick up on the subtle clues that they need our help, our support, and our encouragement.  They need us to be there for them; however, because we are clueless to these hints, their cries for help are no better than someone singing without a tongue.

We are the most connected generation in all of history.  You can send an e-mail instantly to anyone around the world.  And for some, even e-mail is too slow.  A whole generation has dumped e-mail and the phone for text and instant messaging.  While community and connectedness abound, many people still feel despondent, disconnected, and discouraged.  They look like they have it all together on the outside, but the inside is full of disarray.  They want to speak, but no audible sound comes out.  They want to sing, but they have not connected to the unique soundtrack of their lives.

What is our role in all of this?  Are we singing with our tongues and lungs?  If so, are we singing the right song in the right tune?  Is the soundtrack of our lives bringing light to the star of the story of life?  Or, is our theme song all about ourselves?  Are we helping a lonely nation find the spiritual healing that will help them sing with their tongues, scream with their lungs, and find true contentment and comfort?

Moments

Moment - “from the Latin word Momentum meaning movement, moving power.”

Michael had just won the biggest race of his life, shattering his own world record by a third of a second and winning the gold medal in the Olympics.  He thought about all of the training he had endured.  He was thrilled that the discipline, hard work, and focus had paid off and given him a quiet confidence to achieve his goals.  Most people would have thought Michael had just completed the perfect race.  Yet, there was a brief moment during the race that he wished he could have replayed.  A brief stumble the third step out of the block made him question how much faster he could have gone.    

I was researching the word moment the other day and found that this powerful word has a diverse set of synonyms.  Split Second.  Instant.  Minute.  Hour.  Day.  Chapter.  Season.  Phase.  Generation.  Age.  Era.  Epoch.  All of these words are synonymous with the word moment.  A moment can mean everything from a split second to an epoch.  Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like there is a very wide gap between a split second and an epoch.  How could one word represent so many meanings?  As I reflected on this over the last month, I pondered how a split second moment could impact an epoch.

We all have moments in life.  Some moments we soar, some we stumble.  The decisions, choices, and responses we make in a moment produce momentum in our lives either to fly or to fall.  Every moment counts!  The question is: Do we make the most of the moments in our lives, and how do we respond when there is a brief stumble in our lives?

For Michael, the 1996 Olympics was a defining moment – a moment that determined his place in history.  Defining moments can also be moments that help us clarify our calling and give us meaning and direction in our lives.  Have you ever had a defining moment?  Most people have had several defining moments in their life.  The trouble with defining moments is that you cannot predict the exact second that a defining moment will happen.  You can, however, prepare for defining moments in your life.  Michael endured countless hours of sprints and time in the weight room for a moment that lasted less than 20 seconds.  He spent 10 years of his life to reduce his time by 1.5 seconds – the difference between mediocrity and excellence.  How are you preparing for defining moments in your life?

The 1996 Olympics also represented a lost moment – a moment he wished he could have gotten back.  Have you ever had a lost moment?  A moment you didn’t make the most of?  Most of us have had at least one lost moment in our life.  The challenge is not to dwell on the moment that was lost but make the most of the moment that you have now.  Michael persevered through this lost moment and made the most of the bigger moment.  Gary Mack says:

“Learn from the past, prepare for the future, perform in the moment.”

“Success is found in much smaller portions than most people realize, achieved through the tiniest gradations, not unlike the split-second progress of a sprinter….  Life is often compared to a marathon, but I think it is more like being a sprinter: long stretches of hard work punctuated by brief moments in which we are given the opportunity to perform at our best.”

    - Michael Johnson, from his book Slaying the Dragon

As you think about the moments in your life, I encourage you to ponder the following questions:

• What is the most important thing I can do in this moment?
• What is the purpose of this moment?
• Who else is impacted by this moment?
• How do I respond in this moment?

You have been given many moments in life.  Only so many moments.  The choice is up to you.  What are you going to do and who are you going to be…. IN THE MOMENT?

Believe

“There comes a moment in everyone’s life when they stop wondering and just believe!”

                                                -    from the Believe (Shamu) show at Sea World

Are you wondering about something?  Do you question things?  Do you ask questions such as “What,” “How,” and “Why”?  Wondering can be a good thing.  For some, wondering demonstrates an inquisitive spirit that initiates the discovery process.  Others, however, remain in an endless loop of wondering their whole life and never move to a state of knowing.

I was at the Shamu show called “Believe” at Sea World this past weekend with my oldest son and his friends from school.  As the crowd anxiously awaited for Shamu to emerge from the depths of the water, the announcer said the statement above in a deep convincing voice.  I watched the people around me as they were inspired to belief.  I wasn’t quite sure what we were supposed to believe.  Maybe, we were believing that Shamu, the killer whale, was not going to eat the trainers and audience participants who were feeding him.  I am reminded of the story of the boy whose aunt told him that he was going to love Sea World, because they choose a child from the audience to feed Shamu during every show.  When the boy’s parents told him they were ready to leave, he hid in the backyard, because he didn’t want to be fed to Shamu.  Overall, we enjoyed the show, and we all made it out alive.

This experience made me think about beliefs that I have.  It made me reflect on all areas of my life and decide:

• Am I wondering OR Believing?
• Am I uncertain OR Hopeful and Confident?
• Am I unsure OR Assured?
• Am I full of questions OR full of answers?

Do I put my trust and faith in things that last and will never let me down?  Wondering can lead to belief; we just have to realize that we have the freedom to do it.  Are you wondering, and, if so, what are you are wondering about?  Do you ask the following questions:

• Why am I here?
• How did I get here?
• What is my purpose?
• Does my life matter?
• Am I leaving the right legacy?
• Do I put my trust in the right things?
• Do I have faith?
• Do I BELIEVE?

Before attending the Shamu show, we were brave enough to get on some of the wildest rides at Sea World.  We didn’t have time to inspect the engineering or construction of the rides before we got on.  We just believed that the supports would hold us in as we went upside down for what seemed like an eternity at breakneck speeds.

There are other things that we believe in as well such as 2 + 2 = 4.  Belief and faith are a part of our everyday lives.  But, are they really?

How about you?  Are you wondering or BELIEVING?  And, if you are BELIEVING, what are you BELIEVING in?  And, as you BELIEVE, do you have confidence and faith that what you are BELIEVING in will deliver?

All good things to ponder.  At some point, you just have to BELIEVE!   

Center

“The outer distractions of our interests reflect an inner lack of integration in our own selves.  We are trying to be several selves at once without all our selves being organized by a single, mastering Life within us.”

                    - Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion

White Chocolate Vanilla Caramel
A traditional creamy caramel covered in white, strung with dark chocolate and bottomed in dark chocolate. (as described on the Godiva web site)

I love eating chocolates that have a caramel center.  It provides the perfect blend of tastes, congruency between the outside and the inside, the cover and the center.

I have been listening to the new CD from Charlie Hall (See Now Playing on My iPod section and click on it to check out this resource) and dwelling on a song entitled “Center.”  This song reminded me of my affection for chocolate-covered caramels, but it also caused me to focus on a more important question: What is the CENTER of my life?  Maybe, it is a good question for you to ponder as well.

What is your center, your source of stability, your foundation for life, your core?

Now that March has arrived, all of the New Year’s resolution fitness people have abandoned the gym leaving only the truly dedicated members to achieve their goals.  Many of these people are focused on core training as a part of their daily routine.  Core training involves developing “pillar strength” to enable optimal physical fitness according to Mark Verstegen, core performance training guru.  While developing your core physically is a good thing, it still does not go deep enough.

And what about our character?  We utter expressions like “She has a good heart” or “He is rotten to the core.”  What is at the core of your character?  What provides the foundation for your life?  Is it your career?  Family?  Finances?  Fitness?  Faith?

In thinking about this question, I have never heard anyone say, “My job is the center of my universe.”  Now, I have seen plenty of people act like their career is the center of their lives placing their foundation in something that has become at times a slippery slope.

A better statement might be, “My family or spouse or child or significant other is the center of my life.”  This statement still seems to fall down if that is what you put your ultimate faith in to provide stability in your life.  People are imperfect and at some point will let you down.  The corollary to this statement is that individuals need to have something to bring to the relationship.  If two people are both searching for completeness in the other person, they will have nothing to offer.

The perfect center is something you wrap your life around in order to obtain perfect peace, contentment, joy, strength, patience, compassion, and caring for others.  That kind of center cannot be found on this Earth whether in work, people, a fitness program, or a Godiva chocolate.

In the song “Center,” Charlie writes the following words:

   

“We lift our eyes to Heaven,   
    We wrap our lives around Your Life.
    We lift our eyes to Heaven, to You.

    Christ be the center of our lives
    Be the place we fix our eyes
    Be the center of our lives.”

I have found my center in Jesus.  He never changes.  He never lets me down.  He is the same, yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He is someone I can “wrap my life around” and discover contentment and congruence in a world of envy and entropy.

Funny thing about the chocolate-covered caramels.  As good as they were, the satisfaction was always temporal and fleeting – even when I got to the center.

Isaiah 26:8 268 Generation

“Deja vu all over again”

Vision is an interesting concept.  It can mean something practical as the ability to see with our eyes.  Vision can also represent a lofty idea such as picturing an image of a future reality - seeing things not as they are but as they should or could be.

Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K), basketball coach of the Duke Blue Devils, defines vision as “a mental image of a big picture of where you want to be.”  Coach K tells a great story about Shane Battier and the power of having a shared vision.  After Shane’s sophomore year, Coach K discussed a vision for the future for Shane.  Duke had lost several players, and Coach K challenged him to average 30 points a game and become the ACC Player of the Year.  Shane had only averaged 8 points a game the previous year.  Coach K and Shane agreed that this would be an excellent shared vision, and Coach K offered his support to keep Shane accountable to the vision.

One morning during the summer, Coach K called Shane and asked him if he was thinking about scoring 30 points on Virginia before he went to bed the previous night.  Shane said no, and Coach K immediately hung up the phone.  The next morning Coach K called Shane and asked him if he was envisioning receiving the ACC Player of the Year trophy when he awakened this morning.  Shane said no, and Coach K again hung up the phone.  Shane called him back and pleaded with Coach K not to keep hanging up on him.  Coach K agreed to quit hanging up the phone if Shane would agree to quit hanging up on their shared vision.  Coach K wanted Shane to constantly be thinking about and working on accomplishing the shared vision they both desired.

Vision can be a powerful force!  One old proverb states, “Without vision, the people perish.”  Do you have a vision for yourself?  If so, do you keep it constantly before you?  Is it something you think about deeply and daily go out and advance the ball toward that vision?  Does your vision include all areas of your life, not just a single area such as work?  If you have a spouse and children, what is your shared vision for them?  All important questions to ponder, but we often don’t take the time to discover the answers to these questions and others.

 

I guess you may want to know the “Rest of the Story,” as Paul Harvey would so eloquently state, about Shane Battier.  He went on to become one of the most complete college basketball players ever.  Consider these numbers:

• Battier is one of only 4 players with at least 1,500 points, 500 rebounds, 200 blocks, 200 assists and 200 steals in a career.

• He was one of only 4 players who have won the Naismith and John Wooden Award as the best college basketball player and been named Final Four Most Outstanding Player in the same season.

• He scored several 30 point games in his collegiate career and now plays in the NBA for the Memphis Grizzlies.

• He also completed a very well-rounded collegiate career graduating from Duke with an excellent GPA.

The key question is do you have a vision, are you living that vision, and do you have someone who is holding you accountable and encouraging you to achieve that vision?  Vision can be an exciting place that we visit in our mind and then re-visit in reality.  As Yogi Berra said, “It’s like deja vu all over again.”

Podcast on Purpose

Check out this interview based on a new book that includes interviews with me, Ken Blanchard, Jack Canfield, John Christensen and others on the topics of success, significance, meaning, and purpose.
Podcast on Purpose

Peace

What does it mean to be at peace?  So many of us desire peace, but do we really know what that means as it pertains to our life?  Is peace a life absent of trials?  Are peace and trials mutually exclusive? It is my experience that all of us will go through trials and stress in our lives.  Maybe that is just my experience, and I am the only one who has ever gone through an occasional time of stress.  If you cannot relate to trials and interruptions in life, feel free to eject from this blog entry.  If the concept of having an occasional plan not work out like you thought it would, welcome to the real world.

Life happens!  Things occasionally go wrong.  Plans are temporarily thwarted.  Dreams are anxiously abandoned.  Circumstances are sometimes beyond our control.  It is not like we plan for interruptions.  I have never heard of a couple sitting down to breakfast, and the wife saying, “Honey, I was thinking that we have not had enough adversity in our life.  And I don’t have anything on my calendar next Friday at 2.  Let’s plan for something bad to happen in our lives.”

Life happens.  Things also go right.  Plans happen as scheduled.  Dreams exceed our wildest expectations.  Circumstances sometimes actually benefit and bless us.  Interestingly enough, it is during these times that people think they have peace.  Is this correct?  Can we only have peace in times of prosperity?

Peace has many dimensions.  A good practical definition for peace is calm in the midst of a storm.  We often think of peace as a life with no storms.  Sunny weather.  But life has storms, and we don’t need to just have the calm before the storm.  We need a peace that provides a calm before, during, and after the storm.  Many times, this peace is a peace that surpasses all of our human understanding and power.  When we have this kind of true peace in our lives, we can face any storm, interruption, or trial in our life.  We also can embrace life with all of its twists, turns, and triumphs.

Outlook Determines Outcome

“Outlook Determines Outcome!”

I was watching a classic basketball match-up the other night between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Los Angeles Lakers.  While the Lakers have a history of excellence, the Cavaliers have never been confused with champions.  What made this a great match-up was the battle between LeBron James and Kobe Bryant.  Aside from a few monster dunks from LeBron, the best part of the game was the last 2 minutes.  The game went back and forth with LeBron and Kobe scoring points for their respective teams.  I was amazed at the confidence that each of these players displayed, especially Kobe Bryant for the Lakers.  Three straight times down the court, Kobe went to the same spot on the court and made the big shot with 2 or 3 guys hanging on him.  He knew that he was going to make the shot, no matter what Cleveland did to try and stop him.  Cleveland knew Kobe was going to take the shot, but they could not stop him from making it.

“I just decided I cannot miss these,” quipped Kobe.  His teammate, Lamar Odom, said about Kobe, “He’s a strong-willed dude.”  Oh, I forgot to mention that Kobe did all of this with a sore right wrist that had to be x-rayed at halftime.  He shoots with his right hand.

Kobe has a tremendous amount of talent, but I wonder if he would be the player that he is with performances like this one if he did not possess the confidence and expectation that he will make every shot that he takes.  Does he make every shot?  No!  Does he make a lot of them?  Yes!  What if Kobe did not have confidence in his shot, even though the facts indicated that he was a great shooter.  Fear and doubt would trap his talent.  For Kobe, trust and belief unlock his talent and allow us to see him unleash his potential.  His outlook helps him determine his outcome.

This statement applies not only to an NBA champion but also to every one of us in every area of our life.  Our outlook on life can propel or derail us from accomplishing our hopes and dreams.  Outlook can mean a lot of things – attitude, passion, desire, mental toughness, volition.  Are we positive or negative?  Are we optimistic or pessimistic?  Do we see possibilities or obstacles?  Do we say “I Will,” “I’ll try,” or “I won’t?”  How do we see ourselves, our life, and our circumstances?  What do we think about ourselves and others around us?  Do we have faith, and, is our faith placed in the right things?

As I focus more on my “To Be” list in 2006 (see previous blog entry), I think a lot about my outlook concerning who I am and who I was created to be.  I personally find that my life works best when my outlook is molded and influenced by the one who created me. 

The intersection of purpose, passion, and talents is a powerful force that can enable us to accomplish the outcome we were created for.

Be = Do

As a new year rolls around, I am struck with the image of many people rushing to write down a list. This list is often referred to as “New Year’s Resolutions,” “Annual Goals,” “Some Things I Might Accomplish This Year,” or “My Annual To-Do List.” Based on the words that are used and the commitment level of the individual, they might just have a good chance of accomplishing what they put to paper. Research indicates that you are 4 times more likely to accomplish something if you commit it to paper. The percentage increases when you articulate your written goals to someone who will help keep you accountable. The problem with most New Year’s Resolutions is that they are never written down. Yogi Berra once said, “A plan in your head isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” You have to think awhile about Yogi’s quotes.

One of the things I do as a personal coach to business executives and professional athletes is help them envision their dreams and accomplish their goals. We work on their “to-do” list. During a time of personal reflection over the holidays, I have been thinking that I focus a lot on my own “to-do” list. We can get so wrapped up in obsessing over what we need to accomplish for that day, month, or year, that we lose sight of who we are becoming in the process. We focus more on our “to-do” list than our “to-be” list.

My challenge to you as well as myself is to focus more on the “to-be” list in 2006. As a word of warning, this process will take a lot of deep thought and some time of personal reflection. Some of us may not want to spend the time to go through this process, but, trust me, the return is well worth the investment. To develop your “to-be” list, you will need to ask yourself questions such as:

• Who am I?
• Who am I becoming?
• Who do I want to be?
• What values do I stand for?
• What is most important to me?

These 5 questions can become the start to unleashing a freedom to discover who we really were intended to become. The answers to these questions can provide a passion to pursue the life we always dreamed of living. The sad part is that some of us never realize we have the freedom to ask ourselves these questions.

Once you go through this process, you will begin to develop your “to-be” list. My father-in-law often jokes about sitting back and celebrating our “IS-Ness.” The end result is not just to relax in a recliner and celebrate your “IS-Ness.” The result of this process is that your “to-do” list begins to flow out of your “to-be” list. The new math becomes BE = DO. Getting in touch with who we were created to be allows us to pursue the things we really should be doing. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Do the things at which you are great, not what you were never made for.” I hope you become all of who you are in everything you do in 2006!